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June 19 2011

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wow, ALL of my ex’s look as if they’re gonna turn into gay hairdressers.

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trudat.

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June 17 2011

kaycalvertine
LUL NO RYAB.

June 16 2011

Play fullscreen

emilyisginger:

so beautiful seriously

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SHROOOOOOMZ. ;D <3G

June 11 2011

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June 05 2011

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June 02 2011

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Reposted byevennas evennas
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Reposted byevennas evennas
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May 29 2011

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very personal.

I’ve really started to realise a few things about the people I once loved and cared about. I’ve realised that I’m actually nothing compared to what they mean to me. Its so hard knowing that they’ve just let go of me completely. Together they were huge parts to me, and now that I’ve lost them, I’ve lost a huge chunk of myself. And this isn’t just a cry for attention, I know and I’ve gotten the point they don’t care… they’ve completely shown me they don’t. And it makes me think that, one day, I won’t be around, and I won’t have anyone will I?

At the moment my social life consists of one true friend, who i know i can depend on, and my boyfriend. And i know its not for long, not being dramatic, I do have my reasons.

My best friend is going into the army if he fails school, so I’ll barely be able to see or even keep in touch with him. That hurts, but he knows though it hurts me that I’m completely happy with what he chooses in life if it makes him happy.

My boyfriend is a whole different story. I’m always jealous of him. He constantly rubs it in that he’ll always be better than me in everything he does, and he probably doesn’t mean to, and it hurts both of us that I think the way I do, but I know I’ll never be able to live up to his standards. I feel like I don’t deserve him because I’m below him in every way. I believe a couple should be equal. No one deserves to have someone else put so much pessimistic shite on their shoulders and bring them down constantly.

Another thing is that I barely trust him. We’ve been together for a little more than 9 months, and he only started caring at during our 7th month because of arguments that I started. That just tells me that if I kept my mouth shut, I don’t think he would’ve ever considered it. It hit me hard having to find out that i didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me until I was almost begging for freedom because I could actually feel that I didn’t mean fuck-all to him. Just knowing someone who I thought actually cared about me from the start didn’t until I clocked that he didn’t. I feel like I’ve wasted my time. But for the last 2 months he’s kind of switched, but I really don’t know whether it’s temporary or permanent, He says its permanent but he’s made slips which reflect how he used to be. I don’t know how long it’ll last until he finally breaks and everything switches back.

It’s not just like that with him though, I had a group of 4 sisters, not blood related obviously, but they were closer to me than my actual family are. We went through everything together and we vowed never to leave each other, I loved them… and then less than a year later they all kept in touch with each other but me. I’m still in the same place I was last year, same number, same email, and personality wise I feel the same as I did last year. It also can’t be one of those things where “I’m with my boyfriend too much to see them” because I only see him no more than twice a week and I always try to talk to them to arrange dates but they just brush me off and ditch me completely. It hurts so much knowing that I’m now just a complete interruption to their lives just because I want to be as close to them as I used to. And I know if they read this that they’ll probably make a small effort to try and sort things, but to be honest, I think its too late. I’ve spent so much time without them. I’d rather not think that they’ve just come back because they feel guilty.

I’m just edging closer and closer to realising that one day, I don’t think I’ll have anybody.

May 26 2011

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